I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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