OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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