dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
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Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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