no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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