My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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