Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize