I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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