Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
zippers are such a cool invention
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
