No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize