You can't motorboat a personality
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
