Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
