You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
