What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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