it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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