Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
