Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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