i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
