When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
