Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
