he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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