I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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