i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
