Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
