Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
