it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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