I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
