I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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