cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize