Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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