this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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