fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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