Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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