The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
