Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
