Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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