dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
