***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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