White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
