Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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