i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
