dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
