Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
