Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
