He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
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In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
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You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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