I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
