I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
