is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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