I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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