It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
