tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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