i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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