So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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