yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
