What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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