We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
