Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
