theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think a kid would responsible me up
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
