doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
