Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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