I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize