see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
