She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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