do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
