I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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