No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
