Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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