I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
