he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
