you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
honey bunches of taint.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
