i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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