I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
