i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
