Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
